Uh oh

I'm broken. And I don't have a problem admitting that, I have a problem dealing with it. I don't understand what it is that broke me down to this point where I almost feel as if I have an inability to feel. It's not that I have the inability to feel- but rather, I just don't know how to miss people anymore. Oh you won't be around for a few days? I'll get over it. It's such habit now, and this is one that definitely has to be broken.

It doesn't make sense for me to commit myself only to subconsciously give up after a few days. I can't do that anymore. It's not what it was. It's something new, and something that can be so beautiful. As much as I want to grow out of this phase, it really seems like a lost cause at this point. Then again, it's just the beginning. I've only just made this realization.

I guess in a way, it's not too bad. It's not the end of the world or anything, because I know feelings grow over time. It only takes time - as with everything else. There's nothing I can actively do, because I know how badly I want this. I know that things will fall into place if they are supposed to.

I never used to let things get to me, and then I decided that I would begin to dedicate myself to people. Now that's where I fucked up, because I dedicated myself to all the wrong people. I'm hoping this isn't going to be another waste of my time. It should be, though.

E