smart

I may not be patient and consistently objective, but I am smart. I know what's going on. I know how to view things in 360. So what if I'm subjective, and my feelings get the best of me sometimes? I'm human. What kind of person would I be if I didn't hurt every once in a while? It sucks. It's hard to be hopeful when I'm hurting. 


At least I have a good understanding of what's going on. I can be independent and I can tell myself exactly what I need to hear. I won't tell myself that life doesn't go on, and that I need somebody to make me happy. It's a nice thought, but it's not the truth. Why lie to myself? Things WILL be ok.


Sure, I'm not feeling too great right now. It sucks to be alone and by myself, because I start crying. I feel like I'm losing hope, and I cannot do that. If I lose hope, I'm giving up on myself. Never will I give up on myself because I have no reason to. I have so much going for me. I am smart, pretty, and I have a kind heart. I have a wonderful family, and my friends are inferior to none. I failed myself in high school, so I put myself together on my own and got through community college to go to the top public university in the country.


I have never been more proud of myself than I was when I opened my application and it said congratulations. So what if I have a couple of unstable emotional breakdowns? Life fucking goes on. It's not all about the emotions. It's about the shit I can accomplish on my own, and how I go about doing everything.


I'm letting the world know I'm a broken fucking mess right now. Why not? I don't need pity or anything, but I like to have it written somewhere, have it stored away somewhere, so I can look back on it and really understand how far I've gotten. I will get through this, and I will smile. I will smile through it all, even if I don't want to. Positivity starts within oneself.


Instability is to be expected right now, but it can really only last so long.