Monday, June 11, 2012

junior college


so I can finally discuss my junior college experience because it is officially OVER!!

In high school, I was pretty much average with a below average GPA. Senior year came around, and I realized I couldn't get into any UC, so I settled for SFSU because they accept pretty much everyone from SF... I didn't bother with JCs at all because I heard that: 1, it's impossible to get classes; 2, nobody gets out in two years; and 3, people generally just stop going to school because they get tied up in working or give up on school. So why not SF State right?

I spoke with my aunt and uncle regarding my choice, and they really recommended that I check out junior college. They introduced me to the TAG program, vaguely, but it was mentioned, and it was persuasive because their kids were already at Skyline. I applied for Skyline & CCSF, but really just put off all my placement tests and orientation. I registered for the SFSU placement testing, and ended up sleeping right through it when that came around.

Soon enough, high school was over and summer came around. I finally realized that I needed to take my placement test for Skyline and did it sometime in June. I got placed into remedial math, and remedial english. Of course, I was discouraged; but I rescheduled another placement test at CSM, and I placed into Math 251, and English 100 (the highest possible classes to place into in both subjects). The first try was probably just a fluke.

I registered for classes according to my IGETC, and it was not hard at all. I was not waitlisted for any classes. I also used ratemyprofessors to make sure that I had decent teachers. So my first semester at Skyline, I took: political science 200, history 202, speech 100, music 202, and english 100. I'm really glad that I used ratemyprofessors to pick out some good teachers because my first semester seemed really easy. I didn't bother seeing a counselor or anything for the first semester because I really didn't know what was going on. I thought it would be okay for me to just take whatever classes I could and register on whatever date was assigned. I pulled through the semester with 3 As and 2 Bs.

I found that my next registration date was extremely late, and I actually had a bit of a struggle getting classes my second semester. I was waitlisted for one class, English. I desperately needed English because I only had one more semester to fulfill, and I really wanted to get it over with. My second semester (spring 2011), I took: history 201, economics 100, english 110, psychology 110, and astronomy 100. I actually didn't get the english class on my first try, but my friend was already registered, so I asked him for her email to contact her. She agreed that if nobody already registered showed up the next day, I would be in the class. I ended up adding, and this semester was even easier than the first. I was really getting the hang of the classes and this semester I finally decided to see a counselor to get an SEP. With the SEP, I heard that it would bump up my registration date. It really did not do much for that, and that's the only reason I even got an SEP.

I got my registration date near the end of the semester, and It was almost a week and a half after the first day to register. I went to A&R and politely asked the lady if she could do anything about my registration date. She looked me up, and was extremely nice and bumped me up to the second day to register. I ended up getting all the classes I needed for the summer and fall. I also pulled through my second semester with 4 As and 1 B.

Summer at Skyline was torture. I took one eight hour class: Human Anatomy. I met a bunch of amazing people in that class, but I got a C. It was my first C in college, and I regret taking a science class during the summer. I had also just gotten a job, so it was tough to balance both my shitty job and school. I did manage to pull through and pass the class, and that's really what's important. Nearing the end of summer school, my mom also bought me my car. She bought me the exact car that I wanted, and I'm happier than ever with it.

My second fall semester was a little shaky. I did not prioritize very well, and didn't spend very much time on my studies. I took history 101, math 200, health science 130, philosophy 100, and economics 102. I'm glad I took a bullshit course (human sexuality), because it really lessened the stress when it came down to my procrastination. I did everything at the very last minute, especially my philosophy exams. I remember having to write one essay per exam, and I'd literally start the night before when it was assigned at least a week in advance. I always pulled through with a B, so no big deal... I ended up getting 3 Bs and 2 As.

November was the time to apply for colleges, and I had a friend who was PREPARED. He was so prepared that he had begun writing his personal statement months in advance! I thought he was crazy, but I also admired his persistence. He constantly went to meet with his counselor, and he talked to many advisors regarding his personal statement. He would ask me every morning, because we'd see each other before class, how I was doing with my personal statement. I was honest and told him every single time until probably two weeks prior to when they were due, that I hadn't started. A couple weeks before they were due, I began writing. I stopped a couple sentences into it, because I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to write it, so I couldn't force it out of myself.

Now, personal statements are due on 11/30. I began writing my personal statement on the afternoon of 11/28. By nighttime, I had erased about 10 of them, and kept rewriting them. I finally had something with which I was semi-satisfied. Without thinking, I copied and pasted it into the browser, but of course I read it one more time. I wanted to change a word, so I did so. I changed the word without rereading the entire sentence and submitted it. I thought I would be able to go back and edit it after it was submitted... I was wrong. I was dead wrong, and my heart sank. My heart dropped and chills went down my back. I did not know what to do. This was a huge step in my life, and because of a careless mistake, I would lose the opportunity of a lifetime.

I bitched and moaned to all my friends about how I had a typo, and most people just informed me of the obvious: there was nothing that I could do to take it back, or change it. I just had to accept the fact that what's done is done. So I actually forgot about that and just continued doing whatever the hell I was doing at the time.

So spring semester came around, and I was honestly expecting easy classes. I took philosophy 103, psychology 300, political science 130, and political science 115. While my first two classes were extremely easy, my last two were confusing, unorganized, and challenging. I thought I knew a lot, but when the tests came around, I literally froze. I just froze and didn't know what to do. I bombed the first quizzes in both classes, but the teacher had a very good policy about grades. If he sees progress, he gives a better grade. The entire semester, I waited until the very last minute to do homework, because I spent most of my time either sleeping or with my boyfriend. It was a tough semester, though. I felt ill for approximately a month out of the entire semester, so I missed a good amount of classes, and I also wasn't very focused in school. I even ended up not knowing about an exam but winging it and getting a C. I ended up getting all Bs, which was really all I needed. Was I proud? YES, I was. From doing nothing all semester, I got a 3.0.

College acceptance letters came out in April. On April 20, 2012: I received my acceptance to UC Davis as a Political Science major. I was overwhelmed and I pretty much had my heart set on Davis the entire spring semester because I figured that I would not be able to get into Berkeley with that typo on my personal statement. I shared the news with all my friends who were transferring after spring, and everyone else had gotten into Davis as well. Everyone else, however, had also applied to at least 3 more universities than I had. I didn't really want to go anywhere aside from Davis or Berkeley. I really wanted to stay close to home. So I was later informed that Berkeley acceptance letters would come out on the 27th. On the 27th, around 5pm (the time I received my acceptance from Davis), I got nothing in my email. I had nothing in my inbox and I was a little nervous.

I didn't know what to think. Maybe they didn't send out rejection letters. Maybe theres no way for me to find out. I got home from work at 7:30, and went to read on the website how to find out if one was accepted, waitlisted or rejected. I found that it was required to log in to myBerkeleyApp, and that's where it would notify people. I logged in, scared as hell, and the first word I saw was "Congratulations!" I screamed and ran out of my room and told my mom who was in the kitchen. I was shaking with joy and excitement, and immediately called my best friend to tell him. I was waiting on my boyfriend to pick me up from home, and the second I got in the car I let him know the good news. He was so happy for me, just like everyone else. I posted it on facebook, I told the world.

I did it. Nobody ever told me that I couldn't do it, but there were people who were doubtful in themselves whether or not they could do it. I'm so glad that I had such a strong support system through my two years of community college. My mom never hassled me about doing anything, and she let me do everything on my own. She let me study when I wanted to, she let me go out when I wanted to, and she basically let me have as much freedom as she felt was necessary which was honestly a great amount.

Since I was able to go to a community college, take all the classes I needed, and get out in two years: anyone can do it. Anyone can do it as long as there is dedication and motivation. It's a much better alternative than going to a crappy school just because it has the word "University" in it. A degree from SFSU will never compare to a degree from Cal. In a way, I took the easy route. It was easy because junior college is a lot like high school, without the teachers caring so much and the office calling home when you miss class. It's high school with a whole bunch of freedom. When someone fucks up, it's on him or her. It's his money, it's his education.

It's true, people don't try as hard in community college. There were plenty of people who I wanted to just shove off a cliff because they were a waste of a seat. The seat that they took could have been for somebody else who was more dedicated to studying, and more dedicated to bettering their lives. There were people who came into class smelling like weed, and just sat there like they didn't even know where they were. People who came to class once in a blue moon just to take a test, and bomb it. Although there were those types of people, there were also the people who were extremely dedicated to their studies, and motivated to get the hell out of Skyline. I'm so glad I met people like that during my two years at Skyline. I'm glad I met people who were just as headstrong as me, if not more. I'm glad that these people helped me study and really kept me going through most of the semesters.

After a year at Skyline, I started to really like it at that school. I really liked the community college system, and just everything that the school had to offer. At times, the registration dates would piss me off, but I DID end up getting classes (which is a huge gripe from most people when asked why they don't want to go to a community college). I get that parents don't want their kids to go to a community college because it sounds bad, but how bad does it sound when they transfer?

I honestly feel like I accomplished more, having completed all my required courses (and more), at a junior college and then transferring to a four year university. I am proud of the fact that I was able to do it without a guarantee, or honors program. I applied to Cal with a 3.47 GPA, no extracurriculars, (the inability to spell the word curricular without attempting it 16 times), no volunteer work, and just a job as a waitress.

With that said, anyone can do it. I didn't let my shitty resume stop me from applying to the country's top public university. I didn't let my (basically) failure GPA stop me from applying. I know that my friends and family are extremely proud of me, and very happy for me. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful support system. My best friends, my parents, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, my cousins, and my boyfriend make me elated because they never give up on me, and they always want the best for me.

I can't wait to start this new chapter of my life, because things can really only go up from here. :)

E

Sunday, April 22, 2012

its1am

my body likes exactly 8 hrs of sleep. i don't wanna be waking up too early 2m and being pissy so i'm staying up....

haven't blogged in a long time.
uhh... idk. lol. life has been stressful lately. :( school is killing me and so is my health... sucks, really. but w/e. i'm glad my boyfriend is helping me through everything. and my friends are so great to me too. always know what to say and keep me up..

since i haven't been feeling too well as of recently, babe has constantly been taking care of me and driving me everywhere because it's a pain in the ass for me to drive. i hate driving to school. thank god i don't have to do it til monday... he knows how much i despise driving for right now, so he always picks me up and stuff. he also knows that i'm super tired and he drives me home early. :)

we've had rough times.. and they're super hard to overcome.... i always want to just walk away because i don't like to work hard for things but he makes me want to put in the extra effort. relationships should be effortless sometimes, but it can't always be like that. he constantly reminds me that he loves me and that i'm the best girlfriend and stuff. that makes me happy. we're always gonna dislike things about each other, but compromise is the biggest part of any healthy and loving relationship. nobody's perfect, but we do what we can.

i think our relationship has been hard for me lately just because my health is not as good as i wish i was. i'm always tired, headachey and stuff...which makes me cranky and lazy.. not even necessarily lazy, but i just never want to do anything... i don't know. i'm tired now. lol -_-;

well w/e at least i updated my blog. bye!!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

call me maybe

so addicted to that song omfg

anyways...
idk what to get my boyfriend for his birthday :(

i made him a post it note scavenger hunt in his bedroom when we got to his house earlier as a cute little gesture and i think he liked it :) he got mad after a couple and said that my hiding places were ridiculous or something like that but i ended up forgetting where i hid them because he took so long. but i remembered a couple places and those ended up being the places that he didn't look. i repeated #6 & forgot #11 hehe. oh wells. 15in total. twas cute. i have an idea of what i want to get him but it's going to be so lame and i'm afraid he won't like it.

i'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog anymore because he doesn't look at my twitter anymore because i had to private it because my boss mentioned it once and it made me pretty fucking uncomfortable...

so okkkkk.. i'm afraid that he might want something more materialistic, but i don't have very much money so i don't want to be cheap and get him some lame ass gift. i want his birthday gift to be something that will mean something to him but at the same time not be cheap. damn it. i hate being broke rofl. fuck life, i spend way too much money on food. i think he'd appreciate if i got him something cute. like if i were to make something, but i'm not sure what he would be able to do with it. he doesn't really need anything... and anything that he does need he can get on his own. this is difficult :( girls are much easier to shop for. actually i'm pretty hard to shop for because i don't like a lot of things. lmfao same w/him though :(

fuckk.. i wanna be cute and make something really meaningful to me but what if it's not meaningful to him? what if he thinks its lame :( then i'll be a sadgirlfriend. i want to do something special for him on the day of his birthday too. he took the day off from working which makes me kind of happy because i get to spend more time with him than usual. only a few hours..but i'm definitely trying to figure out how to make it all memorable <3

ahhhh all these crazy thoughts in my head, none of them bad or anything i'm just trying to figure out how to make this good for the MAN i love (: hehe. i love him so mucho. he's really the best thing that has happened to me. not that he is a thing but him being in my life just makes me so happy. we argue and fight and we have disputes and alll that negative shit.. but at the end of the day its him i want to be with. no one comes close at all.. it's crazy, i never thought i'd be so crazy about anyone.

never ever in my wildest dreams did i think that i would find something like this. i always pictured relationships in my head, and from what i see in movies/tv shows... i always figured i'd find something like that; but this is so much better. this is far beyond what i ever thought i would get. we have so much fun together, we usually get along and we talk about every single thing. i'm comfortable talking to him about everything, and every little aspect of our relationship. our communication is so strong, and that's what makes our relationship so comfortable. we aren't afraid to say things to each other, and we always talk. we talk about every little single thing, so we know to quit the bad and continue the good.

i always wanted one of those cute relationships like in the movie.. um.. sleepover! omfg, sean farris DROOOOOLLLLL.... anyways, i've always wanted one of those "i saw her from across the room" kind of relationships, but those are kind of weird if i think about it more haha. i mean, thomas and i started off pretty quick. we texted and shit, but once we hung out in person...bAMMM. ahhaha.

how things happened so quickly is far beyond me, but we are at such a good point in our relationship right now. we are in love. and it scares the living christ out of me....but it's so good. it is so fucking amazing to be in love. i don't even know. everything is just intensified. sooo fucking intensified. and i mean, that's good and bad. because when we love, we fucking love. we take it seriously, and we are committed and dedicated to one another. but when we fight....oh my god do we fight. it gets better but just arguing with someone for whom you have so much regard, someone with whom you just don't want to argue.... it's a fucking terrrrible feeling. it puts such a strain on everything.

what i love is the connection we have with one another. it's not something that i can find with everyone, trust & believe. it feels surreal. there are certain things that don't have to be said, there are certain things that have to be said. it's unexplainable... i wish i could explain it but it's also a feeling that i get for him. feelings should be easy to explain...hahaah who the fuck am i kidding. feelings are the most difficult things to explain -- especially when they're mixed. not mixed as in positive+negative, but mixed as in too many things at once. tooo many emotions/feelings at once. i don't even know where to start.

i haven't blogged inforever and a day...so...this is why this is so long and ..weird. hsflajfda; i'm craycray

<3 bye

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

..

sometimes everything just hurts too much, sometimes the feelings are just too intense.. i don't know what to do, i don't know what to say. i just need friends when it comes to times like this. i need to lay in someones bed and cry until i can't breathe or feel anything.

what do i do. i can't bring myself to mention it even though it's so important to me. i can't even figure it out and it's frustrating. i don't know what to do and i don't want to get out of bed but i can't stay down and let this eat me alive..

help.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

my corny ass feelings

sometimes i sit down and i think about everything that i'm feeling. i pause the music, i pause the shows and i just sort of sit there. sounds emo as fug, but whatever..

lately, it's been a whole mix of feelings. a plethora of them, if i may. it's been a bit overwhelming, and even slightly unbearable to be completely honest. it's not that they're complicated feelings, it's also that they're all so different and significant in their own little ways. some positive, some negative, some neutral, some just fucking crazy. what to doooo?

let's start with the bad. the bad feelings are the ones where i just want to give up. the ones that make me feel helpless, useless and, lets be honest, useless. now these are apparent only sometimes. i don't always feel these bad ones. hell, some days go by and i don't feel them at all. when they do decide to hit, however, it is truly a sour feeling. it is horrible. it's a bullet right through the heart, and it's acid melting my stomach. now, i understand that there are worse things in life; but sometimes emotions are so unbearable. i hate the bad feelings, but hey, who wouldn't?

the bad feelings are horrible when they have regards to my relationship. it's been so rocky lately, and it's just been a crazy and intense roller coaster ride. this one wasn't a thriller, i'll say that. halfway into it, i was ready to get off. i was begging to get off the ride, even though it wasn't what i wanted at all. the bad feelings completely consumed me, and i just had no way of finding a way to cope. i just didn't know what to do. every little thing was driving me crazy, and the hurt was penetrating through everything. the hurt was becoming too much for me to handle. now, i didn't think it through. of course, i don't sit around thinking about when i'm going to leave my relationship. but everything was still fresh. everything still had to run its course. i was looking for a way out. i was scared.

well, i didn't get off the ride. i didn't let it all go. i didn't try to convince myself that the last four months of my life was not meaningful at all. instead, i thought about my feelings a little more. i thought hard and i focused all my energy into deciphering my actual feelings. now what was it that i felt? what was it that i was feeling? why did i want to leave, but at the same time stay? was it cus i was a little bitch? of course. that's exactly how i was acting. i did take into account his feelings, but i underestimated his devotion towards the relationship. and that's when i was certain of one thing. that's when i realized that he was someone special, and worthwhile.

that.. is when i realized that i love him. it's a complicated feeling. it's hard to explain, nearly impossible to explain if i were to be asked what is love. anyways, lezbehonest, i can't quite put into words what i feel for him. i wish i could, because i want to. i want to be able to express what i feel in words, it's what i do best. so for me to be unable to express my emotions... i feel so lost.

the feeling passes though, the one of lostness. the feeling passes, and everything feels okay, because i know what i feel for him. i know that what i feel is strong enough to be classified as love. i know that everyone has a different definition of love, and everyone experiences love in a different manner. that's probably why it's so hard to figure out. many emotions are explicitly defined. they have those charts for people with the smiley faces that represent each emotion.


love? is it an emotion? is it just this gut feeling that people get? it's so hard to tell. i don't doubt myself though. i don't doubt myself for even a moment. i tell him that i love him, and i don't regret it. i won't take it back. there are many things that i question, that i doubt, and that i really just flat out don't know, but this isn't one of them. this is something so real in my heart, and i know that i won't be disappointed. sure, little shit happens sometimes, and it gets in my head; but i do need to realize that this guy loves me as i love him, and we work together to get past disputes for a happy future.

ok bye

Thursday, February 9, 2012

aswerfvhuijkm,lp

do what you want.. clearly it's never fucking up to me anyways. regardless of how much i say something, it eventually gets ignored. so why bother? why not just stay quiet? i'm happy, but sometimes i seriously just take a good look at shit and say really?

it's times like this i have no idea what to do, or what to say because shit has already been said. i'm not one to repeat myself over and over again because that's just straight up wasted effort. why bother..

anyways. i'm getting ready to go to work. kinda. slept pretty well last night. woke up a couple times but meh. got a looot of sleep which makes me pretty happy, but makes me more tired in the morning :( hopefully i'm not too tired at work today. bah, gotta work with my manager today though.. so irritating. w/e my coworkers will keep me entertained:)

gonna get ready now i guessss

bYE